Keba's Island
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During our time here at the MLC we all have had our little quirks and powers exposed. Especially the Destruction thread has been a real goldmine for our particular brand of madness and this has been the birth of a great many clan fictions.
This is one of those clan fictions and while it features many regular MLC members this particular story is dedicated to Keba. We all made fun of her cooking skills and now it time for her to have her time in the spotlight.
Hope you like.
KEBA’S ISLAND.
Calamari was worried. It had been several months since anyone had heard from Keba and nobody had any clue as to where she could be. She had visited all of Keba’s usual haunts and searched the MLC HQ from top to bottom several times but to no avail. Keba was gone.
Finally, she had called a meeting with the remaining members and sent them far and wide to help find their missing member. After several weeks they returned one by one but none had found a trace of the elusive little fox.
Then a garbled message arrived from Tollie, MrGBH and Zaul that they had found Keba. Unfortunately the message was so badly degraded that little else could be made from it and as the team failed respond to any hails from the HQ it only made Cal worry more.
Now three weeks had past and Cal had had enough. From their notes she had pieced together that they had set out to check out a tropical island in the Pacific Ocean. It had made the news several times now because it had been shrouded in a dense fog for several months and passing sailors had reported strange sightings.
So she had called the remaining members at HQ together in her office and declared that they were going to the island. Shy was looking pleased as it gave her a chance to use her mecha again. Mack was looking relieved as she was getting really worried about their missing members. Ann didn’t like leaving the bar but with Zaul gone business had been slow anyway. Gin was always ready for some fun and couldn’t wait to leave. Apple was jumping up and down excitedly with the thought of going on an actual field trip. Ameabe had stopped listening after the words ‘tropical island in the Pacific’ and was busy stuffing her bags with swim gear and sunning cream.
So it was several hours later that they all found themselves stuffed into mecha Kitt flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Shy was quietly humming to herself when the navigator gave a beep and a screen flashed to live on her display. “We’re coming up on the island, Cal.” She yelled back to the others.
Cal counted herself lucky that she didn’t have any bones as she wormed her way forward slowly through the press. “Couldn’t you have picked a bigger mecha?” She complained when she finally could peer over Shy’s shoulder.
“Sure,” Shy answered, “But I love flying this one.”
Cal glared at Shy’s back then sighed, “Never mind.” She mumbled. “So, where is the island?”
In answer Shy angled the mecha a bit and a white speck in a blue ocean could be seen through the windshield. She fiddled with the controls a bit and the speck grew larger as she applied some magnification.
Cal studied the picture on the screen and the first thing she noticed was that the fog only surrounded the island, leaving the island itself clear. In the centre was what had once been a volcano but it had been inactive for hundreds of years. The ground was, as is often the case with volcanoes, very fertile and a dense jungle covered most of the island.
As they flew over the island Cal and the others peered anxiously down trying to find a trace of the missing MLC members, but there was no sign. After several unsuccessful passes Shy started to look at her station trying to find a way to make the search easier and she quickly found something that would do just the thing.
She pressed a button and the display switched to a different setting showing lots of blue, green and a scattering of red.
Cal peered at it for several seconds before turning to Shy, “What is it?”
“I switched to infrared,” Explained Shy, “It shows the ambient temperature in green and blue and hotspots as red.” She peered closely at the screen and tapped a particularly bright spot near the centre of the island. “This one looks promising.” She muttered as she steered towards it.
Not long after they were hovering some 100 feet above the treetops trying to see what was going on below them. According to her instruments the hotspot was directly below them but the dense foliage blocked their view.
Disappointed Cal turned away to tell Shy to move to another spot when Mack called out, “I see her!” She yelled excitedly. “It’s Keba!”
Immediately Cal was again pressed against the window. “Where?” she yelled. “Where is she?”
“She was right below us,” answered Mack. “The wind blew some of the branches aside and I saw her clearly below us.”
“Can you take us down here, Shy?” asked Cal, not looking away from the treetops.
“No way,” Shy said after studying the terrain for a few seconds. “The foliage is just too thick and there are no clearings nearby. We’ll have to go back to the beach and hike back up here.”
Cal nodded. She wasn’t happy about it but she knew that Shy was right. “Do it,” was all she said, but she kept looking back the entire way.
Some fifteen minutes later they were standing on the beach staring at the dense jungle that was blocking their path.
“This is not going to be easy,” Shy muttered looking at the dense growth.
“I could of course simply fly over it,” Gin said brightly. “But you guys are going to have to go through this mess. I'll go and scout a bit.” With that she lifted off and disappeared behind the treetops.
Apple studied the bushes as well. “I think I can make it easy as well.” He looked at Shy and grinned. “There is no bush dense enough to stop a hamster!”
“I just got this dress,” Mack said mournfully as she stared at the bushes blocking her way. Sometimes it didn’t pay to be a doll.
“Why don’t I stay here and watch mecha Kitt?” Ameaba asked
Cal sighed and glared at Ameaba. “For the last time, Ameaba, you are NOT staying behind to watch the mecha, it’s perfectly capable of looking after itself. I would also appreciate it if you would change out of your bathing suit and, I very much doubt you’ll need that sun cream you’re hiding behind your back.”
Ameaba sniffed angrily and stalked off to change. When she returned ten minutes later she was wearing something a lot more sensible for walking through a jungle. Not long after Gin returned and landed next to Cal.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” she said to Cal. “These dense bushes thin out after a while and it will probably become fairly easy going after that.”
“Yeah,” Cal said thoughtfully. “Problem is getting there.”
“Perhaps I can help.” Ann said as she walked towards the dense bushes. She studied the dense jungle for a moment then changed into her dragon form and plowed straight in, leaving a big hole for the others to follow.
When the shrub became less dense, Ann changed back and waited for the others to catch up.
“Great job, Ann,” Cal said as she passed Ann. “That saved us a lot of trouble.” Cal eyed the jungle ahead and it was indeed a lot less densely grown making the way forward much easier.
Cal turned to the others and shouted, “Lets go, people! Let's get our missing members!”
Although the going was much easier it still took them several hours to reach the spot where they had seen Keba. Before they reached the spot they found another missing member. Or rather, he found them.
One moment they were trudging through the jungle the next their way was blocked by a heavily camouflaged Tollie. At first they didn’t recognized him and he suddenly found himself pressed against the tree with Cal’s Red Pen of Death pressing against his throat.
“Wait!” He gasped desperately. “It’s me, Tollie!”
Cal peered closely at his face, trying to see his features under the make-up. When she finally recognized him she released him and asked, “What's with the looks?” Tollie kept a close eye on the pen Cal was still holding in her tentacle and carefully edged away from the tree to give himself some room should she make another grab for him.
“What is that stuff on your face?” Gin asked as she floated closer.
“Camouflage paint.” Answered Tollie, still eyeing Cal warily. “I borrowed some off MrGBH.”
“Is he here also?” Cal asked eagerly, “Is he ok and is Zaul here as well?”
Tollie nodded, “They are both here and they are both fine. We saw the mecha fly over and I‘ve been waiting for you to get here.”
“Why didn’t you signal us?” Cal asked, “We haven’t had any word from you for over 3 weeks.”
“We couldn’t signal as the radio’s got trashed.” He answered. “We’ve been waiting for you guys to show up and get us out of here.”
“Tell me,” Cal edged forward eagerly, “Is Keba really here?” Behind her the others also crowded forward.
“Yes, she is here.” Tollie answered, “She’s ....er..... I think you had better see this for yourselves.” He said cryptically and turned to lead the way.
As he led the way the others noted some curious behavior in their guide. He was constantly checking the wind and used a long stick to poke in some of the bushes they passed. As they neared the spot where Keba was he slowed even more and constantly looked around nervously.
“Is something the matter?” Cal asked, causing Tollie to startle and jump three feet into the air.
“Don’t talk so loud!” He whispered urgently as he looked around nervously. When nothing happened he relaxed somewhat, crept to a massive tree and peered around it. After a while he sat back and signaled Cal and the others to come closer and take a look.
Cal was the first there, and while she had expected a lot of things, what she saw shocked her. There was a little clearing, probably created by one of these giant trees falling over, and it was stuffed with all kinds of kitchen equipment.
There was a massive counter to work on and Cal spotted at least three stoves for cooking and several ovens as well. Several cabinets lined the clearing loaded with ingredients and spices, there were five refrigerators or freezers and dozens of tables, big and small, absolutely laden with every kind of food imaginable.
What drew her attention like a lodestone, however, was the small fox in a chefs apron in the middle of it all. They had indeed found their missing member.
Keba was bustling busily between the several stoves and ovens, humming quietly under her breath and completely oblivious to her surroundings. It looks a perfectly normal scene then Cal’s eyes fell on something that disrupted the peace and relief she felt. There were several bodies lying on the ground near the edge of the clearing.
They were dressed like soldiers and were heavily armed, “What are those soldiers doing here?“ She asked Tollie as she turned back to him.
He didn’t look shocked or surprised and answered calmly, “US special forces. They were sent in a few days ago to investigate the fog and the strange sightings. Unfortunately for them Keba was making soup that day and they inhaled the toxic fumes, they’ve been out cold ever since.”
Upon hearing this Apple started to jump up and down excitedly, “US special forces?!” He yelled and rushed into the clearing towards the fallen soldiers despite Tollie’s attempts to stop him. He was several feet from the still bodies when a small, golden brown colored and round thing appeared on the unconscious soldiers back and growled at Apple, exposing large, razor sharp teeth.
Apple skidded to a stop, turned around and rushed back towards the others. He rounded the tree, raced up Tollie’s leg and dove under his clothes. Seconds later a slight, quivering bulge appeared in Tollie’s neckline and 2 frightened looking eyes peered out of the folds of the flack jacked.
“What on earth was that!” Quivered Apple from the safety of his hideout.
Tollie sighed, “That was one of the buns Keba made, several of them escaped and are roaming around.”
“Buns?!” The others asked incredulously. They peered around the tree at where the small creature was still sitting possessively on the unconscious soldier, it indeed looked like a normal bun.
“But....how?” Cal muttered confused.
“Exactly.” Tollie said tiredly, “We have no idea how she does it either. I’ve scanned every ingredient she used and they a all normal. Salt, flower, water, spices, etc. Everything checked out yet as soon as she mixes them together weird and unexpected things happen. These buns are a good example but there far more dangerous things she made” His eyes looked haunted for a moment as he thought about some of the things that Keba had made over the past few weeks, things that the others could only guess at.
“The cinnamon buns were bad,” He whispered, “Very bad. Fortunately she only made 1 batch of those but the few she made took days to hunt down and kill and they were very hard to kill. The little buggers simply refused to die and in the end we had to use napalm to get them.”
The others looked at him in stunned silence broken by Ameaba who had been looking around searching for the others, “By the way, where are Zaul and MrGBH?”
Tollie shook himself and turned to Ameaba, “MrGBH is below you.” Tollie pointed down and after a moment she spotted 2 pained filled eyes looking back.
“Hey, MrGBH!” She said, bending over to get a closer look at the buried ninja below her. “Are you ok? You look to be in some sort of pain.”
“That is because you are standing on my right hip.” MrGBH answered in a pain filled voice, clinging desperately to his ninja pain suppressing techniques. “I would greatly appreciate it if you would move to your left a bit and get off me.”
Ameaba shuffled to the side and peered down at MrGBH, “Is this better?”
Below her MrGBH was making strange noises as his pain suppressing techniques were rapidly failing, “Your other left! Your other left!” He croaked urgently.
“Oops, sorry about that.” Ameaba said guiltily and quickly got off MrGBH who slowly got up out of the ground. He remained bend over and tried to regain his composure while Ameaba fluttered around him apologizing.
“I’m so sorry,” She said for the tenth time, “I didn’t know you were there and I’m having some problems keeping right and left apart. Are you alright and why weren’t you hiding in the trees?”
It was Tollie who answered her last question, “Chicken wings.”
“Chicken wings?” Ameaba asked looking confused and MrGBH nodded.
“Yeah, chicken wings.” He answered, starting to sound like his normal self again. “They prefer to nest in large groups in the trees and are fiercely territorial. I’ve seen them strip a parrot to the bone in seconds. Zaul has been working hard to clear them out but it is very slow going.”
Gin, who had been floating several feet into the air quickly looked around and noticed the utter lack of birds. She looked intently at some of the trees and saw hundreds of small things flit from branch to branch. Still looking at the branches she made a hasty descend and landed next to Ameaba.
“Clear them out how?” Mack asked peering up into the trees and the small figures in them.
In answer someone burped loudly in the tree above them and several small, gnawed on, bones rained down on top of Mack.
“Don’t tell me he--,” Mack started to say as the bearded face of Zaul appeared through the leaves above them.
“Hi, guys.” He said cheerfully upon seeing Cal and the others, “This tree is clear now so guess i’ll move onto the next one.”
“You ate them?” Mack asked looking at the bones that littered the ground around them.
“Damn straight.” Zaul answered, looking pleased. “Their not bad but if only i had some mead everything would be perfect.”
“Why don’t you get some from Keba?” Gin said to him. “I saw several kegs of mead there.”
“He tried,” MrGBH said, “But it almost drowned him and it took both of us to get him out.”
“Is everything she made dangerous and potentially lethal?” Asked Gin who was peering around the tree at the tables laden with food.
Tollie, MrGBH and Zaul looked at each other for a few minutes as they thought about what Keba had made the past few weeks since they got here. “Not that I’m aware off.” Mr.GBH said finally and the others nodded.
“It’s not that it’s bad,” Tollie began.
“It’s just that you generally have to kill it again before you eat it.” Zaul finished.
“The almond cookies are actually quite good with some tea.” MrGBH said cheerfully as he stirred the cup of tea that he was holding. Cal couldn‘t remember him getting it and wondered where it had come from.
She noticed that he had also pulled on a thick glove with which he reached out and picked something small, round and brown of the tree beside him that squirmed slightly. She looked closely at the tree and noticed that, what she thought to be rough bark, was actually a thick coat of slowly wriggling almond cookies. A high pitched squeal made her turn around and look at MrGBH who was soaking the screaming and, now fiercely, struggling cookie in his tea. When it finally stopped wriggling and hung limply from his fingers he pulled it out and took a big bite out of it.
Mack turned slightly green and turned away while the rest stared with horrified fascination at the chewing ninja.
“They are also easy to catch,” MrGBH said, oblivious to their horrified looks, ”They move rather slowly but you have to watch their teeth as they have a nasty bite.”
“You just had to watch out for the chocolate chip ones though.” Tollie added. “They exude some sort of paralyzing chemical that knocks you out for hours.”
Zaul nodded, “Best sleep i ever had.”
“Great stuff that and it lasts for days,” MrGBH added, “I’ve coated all my weapons with it and harvested several ounces worth.”
Suddenly a powerful roar tore the jungle silence apart and a quiet hush took possession of the group huddling next to the clearing where Keba worked on oblivious to her surroundings.
“What the hell was that?!” Squeaked Tollie’s collar in Apple’s voice.
“That would be the roast.” Zaul answered in a awed and subdued voice, “We still haven’t been able to figure out what it was but it is the worst creation by far. Impervious to fire and my ax didn’t even faze it.”
“It feeds itself mainly on what Keba has made over the past few months but it will eat anything that it catches.” Added MrGBH, “It grows bigger and more powerful with everything it eats.”
“Why hasn’t any of this harmed Keba?” Asked Cal after a moments thought.
“Because,” Tollie said after some thinking, “They see her as their mother and protect her fiercely. Take them for example,” He pointed at the fallen soldiers in the clearing, “It was the soup that took them out but, once down, the chocolate chip cookies moved in to keep them there. There are hundreds of them nestling against their skin, keeping them in some sort of suspended animation.”
Mack, who had turned away when MrGBH ate the cookie, bumped into Tollie and started to tug on his arm to get his attention, “This roast,” she asked in a small voice, “what does it look like.”
“Well,” Tollie said looking up at Zaul, “You were closest to it the last time. Can you answer her question?”
Zaul looked thoughtful, “It was about 10 feet high at the shoulders and 20 feet long from head to tail. Its coloring is a rich brown with dark brown red highlights and it smells simply divine. Its snout is very blunt but filled with razor sharp teeth and although i didn’t see a nose it must have had one in the past. The legs are very short and it walks very stiffly, almost as if they were cut off at the knees.
The eyes are small, much smaller than you would expect for such a large beast, and located at the front of its head.”
When Zaul didn’t continue further Tollie turned bach to Mack, who was still clinging to his arm, and asked, “Did that answer your question?”
Mack nodded, “I was afraid that he was going to that.” She said trembling in fear.
“Why were you afraid i would say that?” Zaul asked, curious.
“Because it means that it’s standing behind us.” Mack muttered, looking behind them.
Everyone froze and they slowly started to turn around to stare at the massive creature that was standing a few dozen feet behind them.
“O, my God!” Cal whispered as she stared at the monstrosity.
“Don’t move!” Tollie whispered urgently, “It has very poor vision and you’ll be fine as long as you don’t move!”
“Don’t move?” Ameaba said incredulously, “That’s the best advice you’ve got? Look at that thing!”
“Do as he says!” Cal snapped urgently, “They’ve been here for a lot longer than us and, as they are still alive, they must know what to do!” She had 2 tentacles around Gin, keeping her firmly grounded in case she decided to make a run for it. Another was in a death grip around Ameaba’s leg, she couldn’t see where MrGBH had disappeared to but, knowing him, she was sure that he was somewhere safe. Shy had turned invisible and, as she was a ghost anyway, it was almost impossible to harm her no matter what happened.
A quick glance at Tollie’s neck told her that Apple wasn’t going to move anywhere anytime soon and Zaul had vanished back up the tree. Mack was hiding behind Tollie from where she peered around his legs. Judging from his pained expression she was gripping his legs rather tightly.
Movement from the roast turned her attention back to the monster and she stared in fascination as it made its way slowly towards him. Just like Zaul said it had very short legs and it looked like it had no knees.
“Don’t be fooled by how it moves!” Tollie whispered softly, “It can move very fast if it wants to.”
Almost immediately she saw what he meant as it shot forward and, in a blink of a eye, was yards from he had been before to bury its snout in a bush.
High pitched squealing signaled that it had spotted something and something small shot out of the bush. It shot through the dense bush squealing as it went along with the roast in hot pursuit, within seconds both were out of sight and the group sighed a huge sigh of relief as the roast disappeared into the jungle.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid in my life.” Whispered Ameaba as she stared at where the roast had disappeared.
“Yeah,” Tollie nodded looking thoughtful, “That was a lot closer than i liked, its learning to hunt more stealthily. That is a very disturbing development.”
“Aye.” Agreed Zaul above them. “It’s time to get out of here.”
“Indeed,” Cal agreed, to the obvious relief of the others, “Just as soon as we collect Keba.”
“What?!” Tollie couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice. “You want to bring her back?”
“Of course I do,” Cal snapped impatiently, “Why do you think I searched for her so hard?”
“Because you wanted to know where she was?” Drifted Zaul’s voice down from above.
“You want to go out there and bring Keba back?” Ameaba asked Cal, pointing at the clearing where Keba was still moving from stove to oven and back.
Cal put her tentacles in her side and glared at them all, “Don’t tell me you are scared!” She scoffed. “You are all brave members of the MLC who faced down powerful enemies such as the Censors and Mary Sue’s!”
The others shuffled their feet uncomfortably and looked at each other for guidance. After exchanging some meaningful glances Tollie scraped his throat, “I.....understand”
“Good!” Cal nodded, looking pleased, and turning around she strode into the clearing, heading for Keba.
The clearing became eerily quiet as she entered it and she had the distinct impression that the tables with food were eying her distrustfully. She carefully walked up to Keba and cleared her throat to get her attention.
When that didn’t have any effect she cleared her throat again, only louder, and it failed to get Keba’s attention. Finally Cal had enough had reached out and tapped Keba on the shoulder.
Keba gave a startled yelp and whirled around, spilling what she holding everywhere, which was a pot full of spaghetti in this case. Cal saw the lethal projectiles coming and made a desperate dive for the ground and watched them sail harmlessly over her head.
“Cal!” Stammered Keba, staring at her clan lord. “What are you doing here?”
“We came to get you,” Cal said, climbing back up to her feet, shaken by her near ascape, “You’ve been missing for months and we got worried about you.”
“You were?” Keba asked surprised.
“Yes, we were.” Cal said, gently tapping Keba on the shoulders, “We’ve all been looking for you and now that we’ve finally found you it’s time to go back home.”
Keba looked past Cal and frowned, “You brought the others as well?”
Cal nodded and turned to point, “Yes, they are right over--.” She stopped with her tentacle half raised and stared at the jungle behind her. A jungle that was suspiciously empty of the other MLC members.
“What the...?” She walked back and looked around surprised, the others were nowhere to be seen. She tilted her head when a sound, that sounded suspiciously like the engine of a mecha firing up, reached her ears.
“The traitors!” She quietly fumed, “The cowards took a run for it....but how did they get to the mecha so fast?”
Movement from the corner of her eye made her whirl around and stare at the tiny creature that looked at her guiltily before disappearing. “Et tu, Binky?”
“Wow,” Tollie said, looking at the mecha as Shy revved the engine again, “That’s a sight for sore eyes!”
“Yeah,” Zaul said from behind him, “Good thing Binky was there, huh?”
Tollie nodded, “You said it! Could you imagine trekking through the jungle for hours to get here?”
“I knew that plot hole would get in handy one of these days.” MrGBH said.
“Yeah,” Ann said behind them as she eyed the Mecha, “But will it help us with our next problem as well?”
They all looked at her, “What problem?” Ameaba asked.
“How are we all going to fit into that mecha?” Ann pointed at the back seat, “We were pretty tightly packed in there on the way over and there are even more of us now.”
They all looked at it and came to the same conclusion at the same time. A mad scramble started for the mecha where they all got stuck in the door.
“Out of my way!”
“I was here first!”
“I got dibs on the window seat!”
“Stop pulling my hair!”
“Alright! Whose hand is that!”
“Enough!” Roared Shy and kicked them all out of her mecha, “There will be no fighting in my mecha!” She glared at them. “Either settle your differences or find another way to get off this island.”
They settled back from the mecha and looked at each other, trying to figure a way out.
“Well,” Tollie said, when nobody else spoke, “We already established that we can’t all fit into the mecha so are there any other options open to us. Only thing i could think of was 2 trips to get us all but then we would have to decide on who stays behind for the second trip.” Although he appeared quite reasonable his tone hinted that he wouldn’t be one of the people left behind. This was a sentiment that was shared by Zaul, who was fingering his ax, and by MrGBH, who was busy giving his weapons a new coat of chocolate chip poison.
Gin was looking at them and did some quick thinking. The conclusion was simple and obvious, she concentrated, floated into the sky and flew away.
Ann changed into a dragon and flapped her wings experimentally, “I can fly as well and I can carry a few people with me.”
Zaul stared at the dragon and thought on what it would be like to ride one, “I’m with Ann!” He yelled and started to climb onto her back where he found MrGBH waiting impatiently.
Ann looked at the pair on her back and shrugged her shoulders, “I’m probably going to regret this but what the hell.” She jumped up into the air and with some powerful beats of her wings she started to fly after Gin.
Tollie looked around and saw that he was left with Mack and Ameaba, “Looks like we get to ride with Shy.”
“Rats!” Ameaba said unhappily. “I wanted too fly with Ann.”
“To late now,” Tollie yelled from the door, “Now are you coming or what?”
“Alright, alright!” Ameaba muttered and climbed in the mecha. As soon as she was settled, Shy lifted off and they quickly left the island behind them.
Cal listened to the whine of the mecha’s engine fade away and sighed. She turned to the waiting Keba and said, “It looks like the others already left for home, i suggest we do the same.”
“I can’t!” Keba said, looking miserable. “I only just finished the main course and i haven’t even started on the desserts yet!”
“Desserts?” Cal looked around at the clearing at the food laden tables, “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Well,” Keba looked up at Cal shyly, “I’m practicing.”
“Practicing?” Cal looked around again, “Practicing for what?”
Keba looked away and shuffled her feet, “It was supposed to be a surprise!” She wailed, “I was practicing for the 1 year anniversary banquet.”
“What 1 year anniversary?” Cal yelled surprised.
Keba, looking down at her feet, mumbled softly, “The 1 year anniversary of our move from TP to here.”
Cal was stunned, “Has it been 1 year already?!”
Keba nodded, “Yes, it has. Coming April that is.” She looked at Cal with tears in her eyes. “And now my surprise is ruined!” She wailed.
Cal stepped forward and wrapped her tentacles around the wailing fox, “There, there.” She said, gently tapping Keba’s shoulders. She looked around at the clearing again, “You were planning on making all of this?”
“No,” Sniffed Keba, “I couldn’t decide on what to make.”
Together they stared at the loaded tables, then Keba turned to Cal, “Why don’t you taste and decide what i should make!”
“What?!” Cal squealed looking at first Keba in horror and then at the food. She turned to Keba to say no and stopped when she saw the look in her eyes. Cal had always thought that thecharacter 'Puss' in the movie 'Shrek 2' had the most adorable expression but Keba could have given the cat lessons. Her resolve melted away under that adorable look and she sighed, “Alright.”
Within seconds she found herself sitting at a table while Keba bustled around with the appetizers. First up was the soup which she placed before Cal with a little flourish. Cal looked at the soup, the soup glared back.
Keba stood back and looked expectantly at Cal, “Don’t you think a spoon would be easier?”
Cal looked into the soup. Although she, as a squid, was very familiar with water and what lived in it, there were things moving under the surface that made shivers run down her back. She clutched the fork and knife she was holding a little tighter and smiled at Keba, “No, thank you. I’m fine.”
Keba looked at her strangely but, when the oven at the other end of the clearing pinged, turned away to leave Cal alone. The second her back was turned a massive tentacle shot out of the bowl and wrapped itself around Cal’s neck.
Cal was violently pulled forward and she braced herself to keep from being pulled into the bowl while the stabbed franticly with the knife and fork. Her tentacles were trembling with the strain of resisting the powerful tentacle and her attacks didn’t seem to have any effect. Then, with her final strength, she plunged the knife deep into the bowl and scored a lethal blow. The knife went straight through the creature in the soup and the bottom of the bowl, cracking it in two.
When Keba came back she stared at the broken bowl, “Oh, the bowl broke! Let me get you a new one.”
“No!” Yelled Cal and, seeing her startled expression, she continued in a calmer tone. “No, that won’t be necessary. I got more than enough to get a taste, besides, i wouldn’t want to spoil my appatite.”
Put at easy by Cal’s words Keba smiled and nodded. “I'll get some buns for you.” She held up a plate with 3 buns which she placed before Cal who eyed them suspiciously. “Wait here while I get the next appetizer.”
When Keba turned away the buns attacked but Cal was waiting for them. Keba whirled around when she heard 3 loud bangs and looked over at Cal, who was sitting at the table, looking innocent, in front of her were 3 flat buns.
Cal smiled pleasantly, “Is there a problem?” She asked, clutching the mallet she was hiding behind her back a little tighter as one of the buns quivered a little.
“Your buns are flat.” Keba commented looking from Cal to the buns and back.
“I like them that way.”
“Er.....ok?” Keba said uncertainly and turned away to get the next dish.
Behind her Cal pounded the weakly moving bun into mush and sighed, “The things I do for the clan.” She muttered. “I hope the others are having as much ‘fun’ as I do.”
If Cal knew what was going on with the others then she would have felt a lot better. Of them all Gin was the only one who was having fun as she streaked through the sky. She was skipping along the clouds and dancing over the waves laughing all the while.
Ann’s journey was a entirely different story. Having MrGBH on her back was one thing but Zaul was quite another. It was one thing to have his constant comments but he was also constantly poking her in the ribs.
She glared back at him and snarled, “Would you stop poking....Are you eating chicken wings?!” She shouted horrified as she spotted the large box he was holding in his hands.
“Just a little something for the road.” Zaul said amiably, smiling at her. He opened his mouth to say more but her cry of rage cut him off.
“You got grease on my scales!” She yelled, glaring at the stains on her scales.
“Oh, grow up.” Zaul answered, unfazed by her anger. “It’s only a little bit and you’ll clean up just fine.” He started to wipe at the stains with his fingers but only succeeded in making the stains bigger and dirtier. “A little soap and polish will-” He suddenly stopped and slumped forward, revealing MrGBH who was inspecting the poisoned coating on his kunai.
“This stuff really is great.” He commented, nudging the snoring Viking in front of him.
“Thanks!” Ann said, looking at the drugged Viking.
“Don’t mention it. To bad it won’t last very long, he’ll be up in a few hours.” He stood up and bowed to Ann. “Thanks for the lift but as this journey can only end badly i guess it’s time for me to go.”
With that he jumped off Ann and plummeted down. “Go go ninja kite!” A piece of cloth unfurled from his back forming a glider that allowed him to sail through the air. He looked up at Ann and yelled, “See you back at home. Go go ninja boosters!” Powerful boosters shot out of his shoes and blasted him away from Ann, leaving her behind in seconds.
Ann stared after the rapidly disappearing speck and huffed, “Well! If he had those from the beginning, why didn't he use them right away.”
Several miles behind them Shy’s party Tollie was hopping excitedly in his seat, “I’m finally going home!” He said for the hundredth time, “I don’t know what i missed most. Food that doesn’t try to kill me, my labs, my experiments, a soft bed.”
“A shower?” Ameaba added softly from the other side of the seat, she was as far away from Tollie as she could get and still be in the mecha with him.
“What?” Asked Tollie
“Nothing.” Answered Ameaba and turned to Shy, “Can’t we open a window or something?”
Not having to breathewas a distinct advantage to being dead so Shy was having no problems with having Tollie in there with her, “Nope,” She said cheerfully, “We’re at 30,000 feet here and if i open the windows now there will be a explosive decompression followed by you choking to death.”
Ameaba looked thoughtful, “It might be worth it because the smell is killing me anyway. At least it’s quicker.”
“There, there.” Mack said, petting her knee. Being a doll meant that she also didn’t have to breathe so she was as fine as Shy, “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
Ameaba only threw her a dirty look and turned away to stare out the window.
Seven courses later Cal was physically tired and mentally exhausted. She had beaten everything that Keba had thrown at her so far but she didn’t know how much longer she could last.
Then Keba walked over to her, “I don’t have any more dishes for you to try.”
“Really?” Cal asked, hope filling her.
“Yes,” Keba confirmed, “That were all the appetizers and it’s now time to try the main courses.”
As Keba walked away a feeling of dread overcame Cal and she sagged in her chair overcome by a wave of hopelessness.
She rallied herself and pushed away the hopelessness. She was the clan leader of the MLC! She would never bow down to food! She sat up straighter and picked up a fresh mallet from the floor, the last had broken on a particularly tough bun.
“That’s odd.” Keba said, looking over the tables. “I could have sworn that I left it right here.”
“What wrong?” Cal asked.
“I left my main course here but it’s gone!” Keba looked at Cal with despair, then her expression cleared as she looked past Cal. “There it is!”
Cal knew what she was going to see as she turned and as she completed the turn she wasn’t surprised to find herself facing the roast. The roast glared at her and Cal had the idea that not moving was not a option in the coming battle.
She glared back, hefted the mallet and flicked a tentacle at it, “Bring it on!”
When Ann landed at the MLC HQ she found MrGBH and Gin waiting for her.
"Hi, Ann." Gin yelled, waving cheerfully as Ann walked towards them. "Did you have fun?"
Grumbling darkly under her breath and wiping her side she stopped before them and changed back into a fish, "I'm going to need a bath to get all the stains out." She complained, looking at her side.
"What happened to Zaul?" Asked MrGBH when he didn't see him anywhere.
"He decided that he wanted to walk the rest of the way home." Ann answered.
Gin and MrGBH looked at each other, "How high were you flying when he decided that?" Asked Gin when Ann didn't appear to supply any further information.
"About 2,000 feet."
Before they could ask any more Shy and her mecha landed near them. The door opened and a angry Shy floated out, "I don't believe it!" She yelled as she opened the door and threw out her passengers. "You got it everywhere!"
"I'm sorry." A green looking Ameaba wailed. "I told you that the smell was making me sick."
"When someone gets sick near me i can't help myself." Said a equally green looking Tollie from where he had landed.
"What did I do?" Mack asked in a hurt voice. "I didn't get sick inside the mecha and just look at my new dress. It's ruined!"
"I don't care!" Shy snarled and climbed back into her mecha. "This is the last time I'll give anyone a lift in one of my mecha's."
With that she slammed the door closed and headed for the mecha bay where she could clean up her precious mecha.
"Ah, well." MrGBH said after a moment. "At least were all home and safe now."
"There is still Keba." Gin commented.
"That's ok," MrGBH answered, "Cal is with her."
"O, yeah."
Satisfied Gin walked after the others and closed the door behind her.
Some 2 weeks later a exhausted looking Cal arrived at the HQ with Keba beside her and dragging a unconscious Zaul. She stopped and stared at her beloved MLC and wiped away a tear that threatened to escape. There had been times when she had feared that she wouldn't make it back but her journey had finally come to a end.
Now it was time for some serious payback for the ones who had left her behind. O yes, she thought grimly, she would make them pay for everything!
Smiling evilly she started to limp towards the door and opened it wide, "I'm hoooome!"
The End.
I must say that i had a lot of fun writing this piece and i hope you guys have a lot of fun reading it. Unfortunately i didn't proof read it this time around so there meay be more errors in it then there could have been....sorry Cal.
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written by shy0ne , January 24, 2009
written by calamari , January 24, 2009
It had a bit of a slow start, and could have used a bit more showing and a bit less telling, but it really picked up in the second half, and there was more than enough inspired silliness to keep it going. I'm kind of disappointed about the lack of ending, though. D: Why did you stop it there?
Also, the constant exclamations of "What the hell?" got on my nerves after a while. I don't think all of us would say the same thing when surprised. For example, Apple tends to make incoherent noises, and my brother will often exclaim, "What the cake?"
You might want to check your tenses. You've got some funky stuff going on with them. Two examples:
That was three weeks ago and Cal had finally had had enough.
Here's the problem: "That was three weeks ago" is written so that you're referring to three weeks from the present. The rest of the story is told in past tense, so it obviously doesn't take place in the present.
The "had finally had had enough" is also in the wrong tense. It's in the weird "had" tense which I'll remember the name of someday instead of past.
I think you mean "It had been three weeks, and Cal finally had had enough."
“Why didn’t you signal us?” Cal asked, “We hadn’t had any word from you for over 3 weeks.”
That "hadn't had" should be a "haven't had."
Some SPG stuff:
I'm not going to go through all the SPG issues, just some that you should keep an eye out for.
In the centre was, what had once been, a volcano but it had been inactive for hundreds of years.
Neither of those commas should be there. You could put a comma between "volcano" and "but," though.
Cal turned to the others and shouted, “Lets go people,[;] lets get our missing members!”
Since "Let's" is short for "Let us," it should have an apostrophe. "Lets" is used in "Bob lets Cindy play with his toys."
“Camouflage paint.[,]” Answered [answered] Tollie, still eyeing Cal warily,[.] “I borrowed some of MrGBH.”
You borrowed some of MrGBH? Did you hack off a limb or something? (I think you mean either "borrowed some of MrGBH's" or "borrowed some off MrGBH." )
“This roast,” She [she, unless Mack is a deity] asked in a small voice, “What [what] does it look like.”
And remember that a question always ends in a question mark!
“I can’t!” Keba said, looking miserable,[.] “I only just finished the main course and i haven’t even started on the deserts yet!”
"
eserts" are full of sand. I think you mean "desserts." Also, remember that "I" is always capitalized. “No!” Yelled [yelled] Cal and, seeing her startled expression, she continued in a calmer tone. “No, that won’t be necessary. I got more than enough to get a taste, besides, i wouldn’t want to spoil my apatite.”
See the note about "I" above.
And I think you mean "appetite."
So, overall, good work.
I'm looking forward to more clanfiction from you! 8/10 written by tollie01 , January 24, 2009
I did have a lot of spg stuff but i knew that when i posted it before i proofread it. I'll go over it today and try to weed out a few.
Thanks for the list, Cal, it really helps me a lot
About the ending....i always intended to have you battle the roast but i never had the intention of writing it down.
This is one fight that i will leave to your imaginations
I was thinking of writing a afterword where everyone made it back to HQ but couldn't get it to work, so i left it out.
I was afraid that if i continued the story that it was going to begome something of a never ending story. My goals were to have to search and find Keba. Once that was done there would be the food and everyone would go home.
getting some ideas about the afterword...i'll see if i can put it in and make it work this time.
written by tollie01 , January 24, 2009
I also added a ending...sort of.
written by ginkazeryuu , January 24, 2009
oh, and where ann said "i can carry a few people as well as fly as well." sounds a bit awkward.
I..danced among the waves? O.O I loved those little details all over the place...especially "et tu, Binky?"
good job! ^_^
written by calamari , January 24, 2009
Good work. written by tollie01 , January 24, 2009
I am a bit of a slow starter this is true. I can't seem to simply jump into a story midway and go from there. If i did i would have probably have lost the first 3-4 pages :unsure:
How did i ever miss that one Gin? :pinch:
I have been itching for a chance to use Binky in a fiction and it is a excellent way to explain a plothole away :woohoo:
What better way to explain a plothole then to use our own tame little plothole
written by keba si rota , January 27, 2009
I found some SPG errors, but Cal pointed out most of them. There are two that I think she skipped over:
The ground was, as is often the case with volcano’s, very fertile and a dense jungle covered most of the island.
The apostrophe (') followed by an "s" is possessive. Without the apostrophe, it's plural. So, you'd want to replace "volcano's" with "volcanoes". If you didn't, the "very fertile" would belong to the volcano.
Cal had always thought that Puss in Shreck 2 had the most adorable expression but Keba could have given the cat lessons.
When you add the name of a movie, book, etc, you either want to put it in quotes or italics. Also, I'm not certain of this, but I think that the name of the movie's title character is spelled "Shrek", not "Shreck". I might be wrong, though, since both spellings come up wrong in spell check. Sorry for being picky.
All in all, I think that your story was extremely enjoyable. Thank you for letting me star in it. I will never think of cookies the same way again.
written by tollie01 , January 28, 2009
Another 2 bugs bite the dust! I never would have caught that vulcano one and i actually had to look up Shrek. Spelling check is all fun and games but these errors slip through its mile wide cracks every time :confused:
I wonder how long it will take the roast to make its way into the destruction thread....
