Park Bench
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Note: I'm not sure if it counts as a complete story so much as a moment that I thought up of...The story came to me when I was watching an episode of Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu, which is based off the novel under the same name . (Though, in English, it's "Be With You.") It's gentle novel with little , if at all,any violence.
Park Bench
On the afternoon of the day I had fell in love, I eagerly went through my routine of passing through Park no. 17 to get to work. Today, however, I did one thing differently. Instead of giving my usual “Hello” to Mr. Yen, I sat down next to him on the bench.
He is old, a retired school teacher, I think, who immigrated from England, though his parents were Chinese. I don’t know where he lives or who he lives with, but I always found him sitting on the bench across the fountain at this time of day. I gave him my biggest smile.
“Did something good happen?” he asked me, chuckling at my childish delight.
I nodded, and began to rummage through my bag.
“I’m in love,” I announced, pulling out my phone.
“Fantastic!” he exclaimed, “With who?”
That is one think I love about Mr. Yen; he does not find things like falling in love cliché or foolish, but natural and always refreshing. Finally, I find my phone, and scroll through the pictures before I find the one I want to show him. It is of a young woman with short, funky red hair making a funny face. It is Adrienne, the girl who lives in the room across the hall.
“Her,” I say, handing him the phone.
He accepts it, and nods his head.
“Ah,” he says, slowly.
That is another reason why I like him. Mr. Yen is a quiet and calm gentleman who does not pass judgment. If I, a college girl student, showed the picture to someone else, they would’ve said “Ah” in a short, disapproving way. But Mr. Yen doesn’t care; instead, he nods his head in a slow, curious way as if saying “She is indeed charming; young love is exciting!”
So as he said “Ah”, I nodded my head, rapidly and excited.
“Mhm,” I reply.
“That is terrific,” he continues as he returns to me the phone, “Love is important.”
“I haven’t told her, though,” I admitted.
“You should,” he advised, “People should know that they are loved.”
”Yeah,” I replied, foolishly.
Why was I so hyped? Was it the caffeine I had from the coffee this morning?
We sat there, quietly, watching as the hot dog vender sold two of the wieners to pedestrians.
“You know,” Mr. Yen said, breaking our silence, “I was in love once, too.”
“Really?” I asked, interested.
He never mentioned anything about himself before.
“Mhm,” he replied, nodding his head, slowly. As if to recall a fond memory, his small, brown eyes became smaller.
“She was a teacher, too. She taught art in a college for the deaf. She was deaf, too. But she could lip read.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, she was great. We met by chance, at a teacher’s convention.”
“I see.”
The old man nodded.
“Let me tell you something,” He said, “This is my theory. I believe that we all have a soul mate. The only thing is so many things could provide as obstacles. They are too young, too old, or live too far away so that you never meet.”
“Really?” I asked, watching as he used his hands to count these reasons off. I never thought if things that way before, myself. Nor have I ever seen him so energetic about something.
“Yeah,” he continued, “But we all have one.”
He paused, as if sort of sad.
“Was she…yours?” I asked, politely.
He nodded.
“But, you see, my theory,” he explained, “Her time was too short.”
”I’m sorry,” I said, a little horrified and dizzy.
So he lover had died! Poor thing. But why was he telling me this? Was he implying anything about Adie? Confused, I decided to pose my next question.
“Um…what was her name?”
“Helen,” he replied, saying the name as if to savor it, “Helen Stolle.”
“You didn’t…?” I began to ask, not knowing how to ask if they got married or not.
Luckily, I didn’t have to. It probably was a common enough question, or maybe I’m just too predictable, but he shook his head.
“Not enough time,” he said, answering my question.
“Oh.”
I frowned, looking at my clasped hands. Mr. Yen, sensing my troubled heart, gave me a comforting smile and patted my hand, softly. I grimaced; his hands were dry and thin. They had layers of wrinkles etched onto them.
“It’s okay,” he said, “I married later to a wonderful woman.”
“But you said…”I began.
He shrugged.
“She wasn’t Helen,” he explained, “But Eve? I love her very, very much.”
“Oh,” I reply, a little relieved.
So the story wasn’t sad completely. I gave a low, short laugh at the thought of me having a soul mate, like him. A soul mate? How the hell was I going to find one, anyway?
“I don’t know if Adie will see me that way,” I confessed.
“Perhaps,” he replied, “But no body knows.”
”You’re right.”
"You're right."
"Mhm."
"Wow."
To any passerby, we must have looked like total idiots. Our eyes must have obtained a glass look as we both summoned an image of our loved ones in mind. I planned out everything. I would wait for a moment where Adie and I are alone playing final fantasy IX on her play station. I’ll casually bring up the subject. What are you doing this weekend? Who do you go out with? Do you like girls? Do you like me?
Choose me.
The loud beat of a trance song interrupted our thoughts. It was my cell phone; my coworker, Lucas, was calling me.
Oh.
Right.
"Shit," I muttered as I pick up the cell, startled. Mr. Yen grimaced a little, startled at the noise, and shook his head, laughing a little as he came to his senses.
"Hello?" I said my voice a little shaky.
“Where are you?!” he scowled, “My shift ends early today; I asked you to cover the rest of my time for me.”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” I apologize as I stood up and swung my bag over my shoulder. I gave Mr. Yen a wave and an apologetic look. He nodded, understanding, and gave me his usual wave good bye.
“I’ll be there soon,” I promised. I hung up, and, just as it was my usual routine, bought a hot dog, and jogged my way through the park.
I don’t have work tomorrow, so I won’t come to the park.
But the day after I will, and then I will tell the old man more about my progress with Adie.
I am looking forward to that.
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written by mack1016 , March 03, 2010
I am not a big fan of the prospected lover of the story teller. And I will leave it at that.
I did like the old man's reminiscence of his soul mate. It was conveyed as a gentle love and what happened was handled with grace. I like that the story teller did not feel comfortable pushing for answers. It was a great show of respect to quell her curiosity.
I also like you describe some of the things that were going on as the story progress. Then you kind of stopped for a little bit. Then you went back to it again. It would have flowed better if the thing going on were mentioned a bit more often or not at all. I go just a bit confused when... but that would give a bit away.
Here are some SPG:
On the afternoon of the day I had fell in love,…
You will want to take out the word had in your sentence. You either fell in love or had fallen in love. I prefer the former instead of the latter way it is written.
I don’t know where he live or who he lives with, but I always found him sitting on the bench across the fountain at this time of day.
Read the bolded part again. I think you missed a word in that section of the sentence. It does not make sense the way it is written at the moment.
That is one think I love about Mr. Yen;…
I believe you wanted to say: That is one thing … Don’t worry, I do it all the time when I am typing fast.
Just be sure to go back and read the sentence when you write or type.
I never thought if things that way before,…
Ah, another common booboo when writing. I often type if when I actually mean of. My brain is twenty steps ahead of my fingers sometimes. Again read your story over at a later time. You will be surprised at what you find to fix after doing so.
So he lover had died!
Use the possessive pronoun here.
Our eyes must have obtained a glass look…
Use the adjective form of glass; glassy.
“Shit,” I muttered as I picked up the cell, startled. Mr. Yen grimaced a little, startled at the noise,…
First what is startled the person telling the story or the cell? And then you used startled again with Mr. Yen. Try to think of another word to use here. Repeating a word so soon can be a bit boring.
I hung up, and, just as it was my usual routine, bought a hot dog, and jogged my way through the park.
You don’t need the comma before and. You could drop the next part after and but before bought. The speaker has already broken her routine. Or you could say: I hung up, bought a hot dog and jogged my way through the park as part of my normal routine. Or use your own words.
That is one think I love about Mr. Yen;
“I married later to a wonderful woman.”
well, i was confused since there are dialogues that has no names in it. and some are kind of like the narrator is talking to someone else, i don't know, i'm just a little confused.